In which I predict who will survive The Suicide Squad

Part of the fun of a movie like The Suicide Squad is the idea that no one is safe. The premise — a team of convicted super-criminals go on impossible missions with bombs in their necks to keep them in line — is great for high-stakes action and surprising twists. It’s also good for making public predictions that you can be smug about later.

COL. RICK FLAG (JOEL KINNAMAN)

Often the straight man to the more outrageous villains, you don’t really need Rick Flag, just someone in his role. In the comics, Flag is the government agent responsible for keeping the Squad in line in the field, and almost always present. I, however, believe that since “Rick Flag” sounds like a fake name to begin with, moviegoers would not miss him. He will die to save Harley Quinn.

Status by the end: Goner.

BLOODSPORT (IDRIS ELBA)

We are, as a nation, putting behind us the days where we disrespected Idris Elba by casting him in films like The Dark Tower. Idris lives.

Status by the end: Survivor.

SAVANT (MICHAEL ROOKER)

James Gunn killed Michael Rooker in his last movie.

Status by the end: He lives.

T.D.K. (NATHAN FILLION)

An original character made just for the film whose powers may constitute a spoiler, I’m gonna go ahead and say he is a joke, one where the best punchline is probably a comedically gruesome death.

Status by the end: He bites the dust.

CAPTAIN BOOMERANG (JAI COURTNEY)

This is the role Jai Courtney was born to play. I don’t particularly care if you consider that praise or an insult.

Status by the end: He goes the distance.

JAVELIN (FLULA BORG)

Remember Flula? Dying is probably the only point of his character, whom I will not look up.

Status by the end: Unsubscribed (that means “dead”).

BLACKGUARD (PETE DAVIDSON)

Pete Davidson has other stuff to do, even if his whole deal is looking like he never does anything.

Status by the end: Sorry Blackguard, you’re toast.

CALENDAR MAN (SEAN GUNN)

I love Calendar Man. James Gunn loves casting his brother in bit parts. All parties agree: Every day is Calendar Man Day.

Status by the end: He lives, but after considerable humiliation.

NANAUE/KING SHARK (SYLVESTER STALLONE/STEVE AGEE)

Come on, who’s gonna kill King Shark.

Status by the end: He lives.

THE THINKER (PETER CAPALDI)

The Twelfth Doctor plays a character that might as well be a Doctor Who villain, a twist no one saw coming. I, however, can see his end coming.

Status by the end: Lol fuckity bye (he’s dead).

POLKA-DOT MAN(DAVID DASTMALCHIAN)

Polka-Dot Man is a pull so deep that he’s either radically different and weird or a throwaway gag. Given that he’s played by David Dastmalchian, a man who specializes in weird vibes, I’m putting my money on the former, but not so much that I think he’ll be one of the last villains standing.

Status by the end: Dies, but in a heartbreaking way.

RATCATCHER 2 (DANIELA MELCHIOR)

It would be too cruel to have a Ratcatcher 3.

Status by the end: Lives

MONGAL (MAYLING NG)

As far as I can tell, Mongal’s whole deal in DC Comics is being like Mongul, the Superman villain, but a girl. I don’t really know why you’d have either in a blockbuster film in 2021 unless you intended to kill them.